23rd March: 10.00am
How parenting can change the world in a generation (and why it hasn’t)
The world is at a social, environmental and economic tipping point. How do we shift from a society based on power-over to one based on compassion? A more compassionate world starts with how we parent our children. If we use power-over to control our children, they will repeat these patterns in how they interact with the world.
Imagine if parents could be supported to break the cycle, heal our collective trauma and create a generation capable of changing the world. Join Pamela Quiery, Northern Ireland’s only certified Hand in Hand Parenting Instructor and Kathryn McCabe, Social Ecologist and founder of The Change Agency, to discuss how parenting impacts the wider world and how five simple tools have the potential to raise children who will make a better world inevitable.
The world is at a tipping point of intersecting issues: climate and biodiversity emergencies, widespread mental and chronic ill health, sexual violence, systemic racism and poverty.
Imagine a world where the impact we have on each other and the world around us was sustainable, equitable, regenerative and compassionate.
What if our values as a society were based on compassion, kindness, respect and peace?
What if the changes that we depend on for our very survival as a species were achievable by focusing on how we parent our children? Parenting lays the foundation of how our children will grow up to treat themselves and those around them. It is the blueprint for our children’s future interactions and relationships; friends, intimate partners, work colleagues and corporate leadership.
How we parent the younger generation will determine how we address the big issues of our times. A kinder, more compassionate world starts with parenting.
Parents are doing their best to raise children in a society that under-values and under-supports the vital role of parenting. Many parents aspire to treat their children with respect and patience, but have lost their village of support. Increasingly, parents are raising children in isolation without the support of a wider community. All the while work and economic pressures mount. We are only human, and it is our view that the world we have inherited is far from meeting human needs for thriving.
Parents are exhausted by the demands of western capitalist society and they find themselves overwhelmed and burnt out, struggling to manage their children’s behaviour, sometimes resorting to threats, bribes and shouting to control their children.
At present, most parenting styles follow the behaviourist approach: that we must teach children right from wrong, we must reinforce good behaviour and discourage bad behaviour using a system of punishments, rewards and coercion. Failure to do so will result in unruly, uncivilised children who will grow up to be out of control.
However, the behaviourist approach fails to recognise that what drives children’s behaviour is a strong sense of connection with a safe adult. When we meet their needs for connection, children are naturally curious, loving and cooperative.
When we focus on relationship instead of control, our children thrive.
When a child is treated with respect, they grow up to respect others and the world around them.
When children are deeply seen and listened to then they grow up to be people who will see and hear others.
If we set clear, loving boundaries with our children, they will learn to have firm boundaries for themselves and in the relationships they form throughout life.
If, wherever possible, we honour our children’s “nos” and respond with compassion when we do say “no”, without shame or punishment, our children will do the same for others.
If we listen to our children’s needs, they will listen to the needs of others and they will be able to stay connected to themselves and respond to their own needs.
There are a growing number of parents who are willing, and resourced, to do their own healing, reflect on their own past and do things differently. Parents who want to raise their children in a respectful way without the old systems of punishments and rewards. We also know there are real-world barriers as to why we can’t parent in this way.
Let’s explore what’s possible.
What you will learn:
- How our parenting styles impact the wider world
- Why we parent the way we do
- How to break the cycles of behaviourist parenting
- Five practical tools that can align your parenting to your worldview.
Hand in Hand Parenting is a trauma-informed, connection-based parenting approach developed over 35 years of practice, helping families from a wide range of communities to build or strengthen the all-important parent-child connection.
It has the tools and strategies for parents to heal from their own traumas and patterns and nurture healthy boundaries.
In this workshop we will explore how parenting is a powerful form of activism. We will discuss the practical approaches of a new parenting paradigm that can shift the culture to one based on respect, compassion and collaboration. We envisage this approach creating a kinder present and a regenerative future. We will also explore the cultural and structural barriers to crafting this transformation.
This event brings together Pamela Quiery, Northern Ireland’s only certified Hand in Hand Parenting Instructor and Kathryn Mc Cabe, Social Ecologist and founder of The Change Agency to discuss how our parenting styles impact the wider world and how five simple tools can align your parenting to your worldview.
Pamela Quiery is a parent coach and mentor based in Belfast, Northern Ireland. She is Northern Ireland’s only certified Hand in Hand Parenting Instructor and holds a Master’s degree in Health Promotion and Public Health. She helps parents who want to be gentle but find themselves stuck in a cycle of frustration and yelling. She has supported hundreds of parents to bring about lasting change in their parenting.
Kathryn McCabe is a social ecologist, professional facilitator, program designer and leadership development specialist. She is the Director of The Change Agency where she focuses on training and group work for regenerative culture change via culture change and structural change. She is a trained Hand in Hand Parenting by Connection professional. She has a special interest in teenage Rites of Passage; directing a summer program on Vancouver Island, Canada and co-founded True Nature here in Ireland. She is a published author in Social Ecology; Applying Ecological Thinking to Our Lives and Our Work among other titles, and The Everyday Guide to Attachment, Play, Connection and Emotional Release: For Parents, Foster Carers, Adoptive Parents and Childcare Professionals.